My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands (A Chelsea Handler Book/Borderline Amazing Publishing)

Without question, this book is fluff. I feel guilty rating it as highly as I did, but the book is such well-executed fluff that it's difficult to put down. Written as a series of self-contained episodes, Handler chronicles the party-girl days from her late teens to her late twenties and the increasingly bizarre and outlandish situations she finds herself in while pursuing non-committal sex. Popcorn-sized anecdotes and wickedly funny scenarios/dialogue/editorializing keep the momentum up, and she manages to end on a bit of closure--even if the last few sentences culminate in an obvious and not-particularly-funny joke. The book regards sex conversationally--it's bawdy without being explicit. There's some mild feminism at work (Handler regards her proclivities as behaving like a man rather than being a "slut"), but the discussion of sex isn't about titillation. Rather, it's just another platform for humor, and humor is the book's biggest asset. Handler's stand-up background is on display, and she's able to construct stories for great comic effect, with amusing asides that loop back into the narrative only to be called back later. Once or twice her digressions spin mildly out of control and there is a lull somewhere in the middle third where the style of joke-telling starts to grow stale and the anecdotes haven't quite escalated enough to compensate. But that lull is pretty brief, as her stories are soon taken over by colorful characters and bad decisions. This is a memoir, so the details are varying degrees of highly-suspect, but that rarely takes you out of the story, and Handler is by her own admission a pathological liar. If there's a point to all this mess, I never found it, but that doesn't seem to matter. My Horizontal Life is never self-important, never pretentious, and never seems to develop any literary aspirations whatsoever. The book is itself a one-night stand: brief, meaningless fun.

Candid, shocking, hilarious, crass, sometimes gross, sarcastic and somehow still charming, that's Chelsea for you. Since I've been watching her late night show on E! for over a hear and a half now I wasn't as stunned as an average reader might be but the book was still a handful, easy to read but with many "holy moly" moments through in, some parts had me laughing so loud that I thought something would burst in my body, her comedic spirit is her own, she's not pretending to be funny, it's simply part of her personality and it works. Being one of many siblings has made Chelsea a natural goofball around people, considering she seems to be the most mischievous and outgoing and perhaps the funniest. From an early age she hasn't shied away from figuring out things that parents want to keep hidden for as long as possible, resulting in a hunger that made her life look like one giant party. It was funny reading this and thinking that now I'm the age Chelsea was when the book was ending, and comparing of course how insanely different we are, I still had a blast reading about her conquests, one night stands ( half of them were more than one night, it made me laugh) and in between bizzaro incidents that made me feel better about my own past, I guess young men are mostly frogs and she proves it well in this hilarious memoir of sorts. Now no offence to the normal men out there, I believe you're hiding in between the wolves but they weren't so common in this bedside memoir. This was a fun and fast read, something one can get through in a day or two, it might induce cravings for cocktails as one reads it, and I know I wanted one during each chapter. Chelsea is honest and funny, her personality really shines through even if it's bit over the top sometimes but ultimately she proves that she's a good friend to those close to her and I like that about her, she's not empty, she cares and she has a good heart. I watch her show with my bf every night and it rarely fails to make us laugh, sometimes it gets boring, other times its really out there, but she says whatever she thinks of celebs and calls them out when they are lame and I love that. She brings some much needed humility to the Hollywood scene but always with some laughs. - Kasia S.

When this book came out 20 years ago, I was so mad because I had wanted to write a similar book... That's part of why I waited 20 years to read it. Also I was afraid of getting stoned to death in the town square for admitting to the one night stand. For some reason it didn't occur to me that in spite of the very controversial subject matter, you could make the audience love you instead of hate you... now I know how she does it- she's funny. Good thing Chelsea took the lead on this one. There are several times in the book when you wonder if she is lying or telling the truth.. but you come to the profound awareness that it doesn't matter because she is super funny. Thanks Chelsea this is my type of feminism. Also enjoyed the ending. I won't spoil it for anyone who is going to wait another 20 years to gaze into this sparkling gem. ✨️

No matter what you think of Chelsea Handler or her style of humor, you have to admit she has a way with telling a story. There were parts of this book that I wished I could read out loud to an audience of friends who share my sense of humor. No, scratch that, I'd like to have Chelsea herself perform them as stand-up for select friends. So why only three stars? All of it was entertaining, to be sure. Could I give it 3.5 stars, please? Or give 4.5 stars to Chelsea herself, but only 3.5 to this book? Because if you could condense Chelsea's work down to just the moments that made me laugh out loud, it would be an easy, solid 4. And you know how awkward it is when you find something that is "kind of offensive" to be funny? You'll probably find that here once or twice, if not more. After reading this one, I got a free excerpt of "Hello Vodka, it's me Chelsea" and it did not exactly entice me to buy the book. Especially since it cost more than this one. Probably it was a poor sample, because you can read ten or twenty pages of Chelsea and be amused, but sometimes it takes a while for her to build up to a part that makes you laugh out loud. It's worth the wait, though. Still, after reading this one, I'll probably give her other books a try, as long as they are discounted or free. I think Chelsea would approve because, as she says in this book, why pay for drinks when you can get others (preferably hot men) to buy them for you? Also, if you take another tip from Chelsea, you can always sneak out the back door (or invent an excuse to use the front door) to avoid having to put out (or pay out) for the free drinks/books. I think Chelsea would approve of that philosophy. And I hear she took an extra shift at Sizzler, and doesn't have to rely on the revenue from her books to be fabulously wealthy. All that aside, this was a fun, light read, and I don't feel bad at all that I paid next to nothing to download it via Amazon Kindle to my ipad. She has a way of being amazing, and when you least expect it, is not only entertaining, but makes you laugh out loud. I'm certainly going to be watching to see what new material Chelsea comes up with next.

I confess that I actually purchased this kindlebook that is My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands by Chelsea Handler by the October 8, 2016 timeframe via Amazon from money made from recent university employment. Chelsea Handler definitely unleashes unrestrained writing in a bold and creative way to highlight how both her childhood life and her later adult years indirectly influenced how she approached her casual and more serious relationships. She also definitely injects a sense of adventure in her writing via highlighting some of the multiple journeys and experiences that life took her when describing the people she knew in her love life and those who lived with her. Even moments where she describes some people in harsh ways, she also shows her humanity (for instance she at first admits to wanting to avoid taking a trip/traveling with a particular person and she outlines reasons way though she shows her heart/empathy/compassion when she notices and pays attention/observes how the person initially acts when Handler at first has reservations about going on the trip). There are multiple more soap opera details in this kindlebook which adds to the allure of this kindlebook.

I read the book "My Horizontal Life", and thought it was hysterical. I then decided to purchase the audio book to listen to on my stereo with Chelsea Handler reading her own words as she does with "Are You There Vodka It's Me Chelsea", which was FANTASTIC listening to Chelsea read. I do not know why it wasn't done again with "My Horizontal Life", which has someone else reading (very boring). Also, you can only play "My Horizontal Life" it on your computer or MP3 player, NOT in your stereo player, if it happens to be an older CD player like mine is. Chelsea is hysterical, and if she would read "My Horizontal Life" onto a CD's as she did with her Vodka audiobook, I would purchase it again just to listen to her read. So needless to say, the AUDIObook of "My Horizontal Life" is very disappointing. The textbook was very funny though because at least you could read it the way you THOUGHT Chelsea was saying it if you're seen her show on E! So CHELSEA HANDLER - PLEASE RE-MAKE YOUR AUDIOBOOK OF "MY HORIZONTAL LIFE" WITH YOU READING. I WOULD PURCHASE IT ALL OVER AGAIN IF YOU DID! AND I KNOW I WOULD NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

I know I'm a bit late to the reviewing party, this book having been published in 2005, but I wasn't reading much then; I was too busy working at a late night radio talk show offering advice to the criminally inane. This was a stunning read. Chelsea has a very unique sense of humor, one that is fortunately not lost on me. Anyone with a Kindle will note that it provides `international community highlights'. One reader can see everyone else's favorite passages. While most of the readers favorites were about Chelsea's `truisms' I found myself highlighting passages which I found the most humorous (these were the Kindle near-dropped moments mentioned earlier). Here I offer a few quotes: (The comments in parentheses are my own.) Page 4: `I don't make appointments to get hit. Plus, this was your idea and Dad should hit you both times.' (I love the logic.) Page 43: `My sisters are a very interesting duo. One of them is a converted Mormon. The other is sane.' Page 90: "No, no, it's ok." I said. "You can talk to other girls, but when I leave, you're coming with me." Page 137: `He responded with a scream that sounded very similar to a cat getting g*ngb*nged.' (I'm strangely curious to know what this sounds like.) Page 156: "Is your name Kevin?" I asked him. This was my new favorite pickup line. "No," he said. "Really? Do I look familiar to you?" "A little bit," he told me. That meant he was interested. (Clever Girl!) Page 193: `I had never been outside this early before and I didn't like the crowd.' Page 200: `I started going over baby names in my head. I liked the name Lucifer, but only for a girl.' Her book reminds me of a one night stand of my own, but I won't print it here. As a final thought; for all those who enjoy successful and failed one night stands this is a necessary read. I'm looking forward to reading her other works. Devlin Scott (Lyshan Press)

OMG I just about lost it reading this book! Honestly it was so funny, I had to stop myself from laughing out loud on the subway so people didn’t think I was a lunatic. I love Chelsea’s humor. At least in book form. I don’t think her TV shows have been remotely funny. In fact, I often think she’s an annoying B. But in writing form? HILARIOUS! Chelsea wrote this book way before Broad City, Amy Schumer, and Issa Rae. She was one of the first to capitalize on the raunchy funny female thing. Having said that, I didn’t find anything here to be particularly graphic. I don’t get people who are like "I’m not prudish at all but I didn’t like this book." If you found this book to be too much, you're probs on the prudish side. There’s more sex on network TV. We’re in a post-SATC era folks. I mean the girls of Broad City talk about pegging for God’s sake. If sex isn’t your thing, this isn’t the book for you.

I first heard about Chelsea Handler when I started watching “Chelsea Lately” when it first aired, I immediately fell in love with her sense of humor & delivery, she’s hilarious! The Book: It is truly laugh-out-loud funny, I was reading it at an office job on my lunch breaks & I would be laughing so hard in the break room, this girl leaves nothing to the imagination & is a true comic. If you haven’t watched her show, watch it, & if you haven’t read her books, read them! This & “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.” Are by far my favorites, unfortunately, her most recent ones, not so much.

..and this book has many of them, that you cannot but love Chelsea . I adore her self-confidence, and corrosive irony. The episode I enjoyed the most is about a short and tragic ship Cruise, where she touches the bottom but still remains a brilliant sex/life warrior.

Una risa de libro. Así, de principio a fin. Todo MUY Chelsea.

I loved this book. It made me laugh out loud many times. I would definitely recommend it. I have read multiple books by female comics in the last year and I think this and mindy kaling's book are definitely the funniest.

Brilliantly done funny. Be warned you may laugh so hard you cry.